


The Road to You

by ArchAlpha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bar, Coffee, Confused Dean, Daddy Issues, Dean - Freeform, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean's Birthday, Depressed Dean, First Time, Impala, Kissing, Lonely Castiel, Lonely Dean, Love, M/M, Porn, Porn Addict, Sex, Winchester - Freeform, cas, castiel - Freeform, deans birthday, fear of commitment, kiss, self hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:35:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3391985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchAlpha/pseuds/ArchAlpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On his birthday Dean always goes for a night long drive in the impala to forget the rut he is in his life. Will he find a way to get out of it one of these years? He's tired of being in his brothers shadow and wishes he was his own man. Maybe this year things would change and Castiel would end up to be be his little miracle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road to You

It was his birthday, January 24th. Dean winchester was pushing 37. _37 years...Sammy, that's nothing to celebrate. Fuck off._  
That was the last thing he said to his younger brother Sam. He didn't tell anyone this but every year, on the night of his birthday he would always drive. Just _drive._ No destination, no time limit, no return time stamp. He drove until he felt he reached some peace and some acceptance. That yet another year had passed him by.

Dean was a loner. Lone wolf. Whatever you'd like to call it, Dean was always alone. All he had was his father, John; and his brother Sam. No mother, no friends. No girlfriend or wife. No boyfriend either. No fuckbuddy...Nothing. And now, no father either. His father had passed away a few months ago.( He didn't know if he was relieved that he wouldn't have to impress the man anymore or if he was torn up about it.) He always played it cool, pretended it didn't bother him. He focused too much on his brothers well being. Always put _Sammy_ before himself. Dean was starting to regret that, he was 37 years old...with nothing to show for it.

Sure his brother was well on his way to a successful career as a lawyer. He was in college, no time at all for Dean now. Sam even met a girl, Jessica was her name. They had been together almost 5 months now. Dean never kept a girl that long...he wondered how his brother did it. _How he was able to hold on to her..._

Dean felt as if he had this stigma about him; not meant to be loved or wanted. Every girl, every woman...every hooker; rejected him. He was no virgin...no. He always felt he deserved less than what he actually was worth so he slept with many older women. The most desperate ones. Losing his virginity at 14 to a 32 year old woman did things to him. He liked giving the control to someone else. One less thing to worry about in life, if the sex was bad...well then, it wasn't his fault was it. 

Losing his mother, that did alot of damadge too. He often admired blonde women who resembled his mother. 

Getting beaten by his father, now that did a whole lot worse. He grew up picking fights with older men...he had grown to love getting his ass kicked. He loved when a strong man who smelled of sweat would toss him around like he was nothing. Maybe he felt he deserved to feel pain. Or maybe it was a kinky thing. 

Dean figured out by the age of 25 that he was neither straight or gay. He didn't feel like he was on the same level as everyone else, he admired anyone who was pretty to look at. Regardless of gender. Of course he only slept with women...yet it's been a few years since hes had any sex or physical contact at all. His last conquest faked a pregnancy to get money out of him. when he had none to give, she disappeared and he never heard of his so called "baby" again. Maybe it's for the best he didn't have any children. After that, he kind of gave up on this aspect of his life. Dating and relationships made his stomach hurt.

He was adrift from reality. His days consisted of _Drinking coffee all morning (he needed extra motivation for the day), Working out, Work, Food, Porn, Internet, Shower, More Porn, Jacking off, Laundry on most days, Cleaning his small apartment every Saturday morning, The occasional crying session between porn marathons, The occasional prayer...for change in his life._ His prayers were empty, with no faith. Maybe he took comfort that maybe someone would listen yet he doubted it.

He was in a rut and didn't know how to get out...he wanted out of this life he built, yet he didn't want to change. He was so used to his routine. Dean Almost wished John was still alive, to boss him around like a good soldier and tell him what to do at every waking second. He was good at following orders.

If only miracles fell into peoples laps. By chance he wish one would.

Tonight was no exception. Tt was his birthday and he was driving on the highway at 10:09 at night. He blindy drove, one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on his thigh. Dean felt as if he knew the entire world and their roads, didn't think he needed to pay much attention to where he was going. It felt like he knew them all by heart. He used to road trip with his father and younger brother back in the day... _those were the days. If only he could turn back time and go back, follow in Sammy's footsteps instead of his fathers._

Dean spend his entire life wanting to be like his old man never realizing the man he should have idolized was his Sammy. Sammy was the real idol. They were broke, but Sammy got himself to college all on his own, got a scholarship. His grades were off the chart. Graduation was only a mere few months away, they could both smell that diploma on the horizon. All Dean had was a GED, that was the only proof he had ever gotten some sort of education. He never kept old school work, projects or drawings. His father John never prided himself in Deans work, only Sam's.

Dean always fell short. Dean never could have a future...Could he? He felt a jab at his heart every single time Sam came home from school with his perfect score report card, and his had red marks all over it.

Red meant failure. He grew accustomed to seeing several red F's on his papers and quizzes that it didn't phaze him at all. By 9th grade, he had already given up on life.

There was a bright green sign reading, "Exit ahead" and proceeded to follow the arrows pointing to the exit lane. He always drove pretty far for a simple drink. Everyone knew him as John Winchester's mistake back where he lived. He wanted out.

 

After parking Dean walked up to the old bar he would frequent too often, it was falling apart and would be closing for business any night now if the lack of people around was any indication. Not tonight though. Tonight, at the end of the bar; sat a young man wearing a tan coat. The man had black hair and was drinking coffee. That's all he could gather.

He sat down at the bar, facing the man in the tan coat. Not knowing why he cared to get a view of him at all.

"Whiskey." was all he said as the bartender walked by. He didn't make eye contact. Dean kept eyeing tan coat guy. Why would he come to a dive like this, for a black coffee?

When he recieved his whiskey, he drank it back with a small groan in his throat. _That doesn't hit the spot like it used too._

The bartender walked by again a few moments later. He ordered a black coffee as well. Suddenly it was all he was craving for. After getting his coffee placed infront of him, he lifted the cup to his lips; and drank.

 _Hmm..._ he exhaled a steamy breath, looking over to the young man again. Quickly scanning the rest of the bar first... _Empty._ he got up, along with his coffee and walked over to the guys table. Who knows what possessed him to do this. Maybe it was loneliness. 

Tan coat guy looked up from his dark drink. _Blue eyes. Soft features. Pink lips. Scruff lining his contoured face._

He didn't speak so Dean took initiative and spoke first. "Expecting anyone?" 

Tan coat guy smiled awkwardly, the kind of smile that says 'Oh god sit anywhere but here...anywhere but here.'

Screw that right? Dean sat down in front of him. "Names Dean, What's your's?"

"Castiel-or jimmy.." his lips twitched. "You can call me Jimmy."

"Jimmy huh?" 

Castiel already disliked this 'Dean' person. "Castiel is my name but I go by Jimmy sometimes...sometimes Castiel gets me bullied."

Dean snorted, "I'll call you Cas, but maybe Jimmy rolls off the tongue a little easier." he winked.

Castiel's head tilted, eyes squinting at the older man before him. "What do you mean?"

The birthday man waved a hand in the air, "Like uh- during sex for one. "

"Oh I wouldn't know about that. Sorry Dean. " he sipped his coffee, licking his lips after. 

That was doing things to Dean. That tiny lip lick no one else would have noticed. "Pardon?"

Castiel hated this part. He hated telling anyone he was a... _virgin,_ as if being a virgin was a sin. 

Dean chuckled triumphantly. "You're getting me all tingly in the right places, Jimmy." He let his teeth graze his bottom lip seductively. 

The young man blinked up at Dean, "You're a very strange man, I have to go...Mother is expecting me."

"You live...with mommy?" Dean smiled, he found it adorable for some odd reason. Normally he would make fun of this.

"Yes...I'm currently taking a few classes and I'm working in a store, I can't afford my own place."

Dean placed his hand on the young mans shoulder, willing him to sit back down. "Stay. Let's talk a bit."

"Dean...You're very forward. " Castiel had no choice but to sit back down, the stranger was very strong. 

"You're interesting. Tell me about yourself." Here he was, Dean Winchester...being an absolute _cliche._ He never gave a rats ass about anyone's story. It's a wonder why he was coming out of his recluse state for this guy.

Castiel downed his coffee as if that would give him the words to say. "I'm 23 and ...and... " he stammered.

Dean reached across the table to grab the lapels of the guys coat, coaxing him closer. "Shh relax-" kissing him so softly.

Castiel's eyes didn't close during the kiss. Dean's did. He was shocked.

When Dean pulled away a few seconds later Castiel's lips were still pursed like he was frozen. Just for a second though, he composed himself quickly.

"How was that?" Dean's whisper laced with lust for this guy. He couldn't deny he was beautiful. Almost as angelic as his name. _Castiel._

He swallowed. Adams apple bobbing. "That was nice." Was there really more he could say? this was beyond random.

"Nice? Boy let me show you nice." Dean stood, "You, Follow me."

Castiel inhaled, nodding and proceeded to follow the man. No questions asked. Maybe Castiel was in a rut and bored with his life too. 

Dean's car was the only one in the lot, Castiel took one look at the shiny black car and wrapped his arms around himself. Unsure if he should follow.

"I'm not a serial killer." Dean leaned against his car, opening the passenger door casually. 

"Are you sure about that?" His eyebrow raising.

"My name is Dean Winchester. If I hurt you, feel free to go to the police and report me." Dean smiled. He gestured at the open door.

Castiel took baby steps towards the car, he got inside and the car door was slammed a little harder than it needed to be. It scared him. He watched as Dean walked around to his side and climbed in. Barely fitting inside, he was so tall.

Castiel shivered, "I'm scared." 

He caressed the young mans cheek, liking the stubble there. Leaning in close he whispered into the guys ear "You should be." Suddenly there was a firm hand pressing on his crotch, rubbing.

Castiel's eyes almost bugged out of their sockets, shooting down to look at what was happening. All he could do was look at the hand massaging his hardening cock over his jeans. A helpless groan escaped his lips. He looked ashamed of it and covered his mouth with his hand.

Dean pulled down Castiels zipper, fingers sliding in to feel the fabric of cotton briefs. "You're alright." Castiel closed his eyes for what seemed like a second, his jeans and briefs were pulled down to mid thigh. Cock freed. It lay there. 

Dean wouldn't touch it. 

"Why did you stop...do you not like it? is it ugly?" Castiel looked so worried. Eyes shooting from his own cock to the mans face.

Dean saw Castiels cock twitch, it wanted so badly to be played with. "It's _nice._ " 

"OH MY GOD." Castiel shut his eyes, hands covering his face. "I knew you didn't want me."

Dean shrugged. "Thats what you get when you call my kiss _nice._ We both know I kiss alot better than that."

"I'm tired of guys playing with me." Castiel cried silently as he pulled up his jeans and zipped them up. "Are you doing this because I'm gay?"

Dean almost chocked on his saliva.

"Answer me. I know guys like you...You're so tough and manly, you feel you can bully smaller guys like me."

Dean realized just then, he really was his father. He didn't want to be like him...John was never accepting of him. Dean was a tiny kid, a bony teenager. Somehow at the age of 20 with alot of work he gained some muscle finally and was "man" enough according to his dads standards. He wasn't only into women, he liked men too but was too afraid to break out of his comfort zone. He felt as if he could never explore being with men even if he had wanted to before, it was forbidden.

 

He was so ashamed all he could say was "It's not like that." 

Castiel blinked away his tears. "Can I at least have a ride. I don't want to take a cab."

Dean nodded silently. Half an hour later they stood outside Castiels door, "This is it." Dean asked, not expecting an answer. Castiel nodded then smiled after a minute "Maybe we got off on the wrong foot." They searched eachothers eyes. Green and blue.

Dean swore, _Fuck it..._ kissing Castiel's pink lips. A growl rumbled low in his throat. Heat spreading everywhere. South mostly.

Castiel batted him away after a few moments, needing a breather. "Warn me..." he huffed, "Next time...You're a beast." and fanned himself with his hands.

Dean's ears perked up at the words 'Next time'. It was all he heard over his own panting. They both stood there, awkwardly not wanting to say goodbye yet. Fear that they would never see each other was up in the air. 

"Come in for a while?" Castiel asked shyly, "Mother must be asleep by now. She won't bother us. I promise." Dean bit his lip, nodding. Following him inside.

"This is my room." Castiel opened the door, leading them both inside. Dean scanned the room. The bed was neatly made, he couldn't tell if he made it or his mom did. His eyes scanned the walls now, snorted when he saw a poster of a kitten playing in a garden of flowers. He was stepping closer to the bed subconsciously. 

"Nice cat." 

Castiel blushed, shrugging off his tan coat and kicked his sneakers off. "Do you mind if I pray real quick? I always do before I go to bed."

Dean's eyebrow raised, "Go ahead, Like i'm not even here." He sat on the edge of the bed. After prayer, Castiel looked over at him. Wonder in his eyes.

"Do you pray?" 

"I don't really believe in anything."

"That's really sad." 

That stung Dean deeply. He wished he could believe in something. A higher power...Anything. It would make him feel like things would be alright.

He sighed, "It is. Isn't it." looking at the bed and got dizzy. He blinked several times.

"Are you gonna be sick?" Castiel held his shoulders to steady him.

"Whiskey got to me I guess. I should go." 

Castiel's sharp intake of breathe was unexpected, "Wait...I don't want you to go. I forgive you for what happened, You're a good kisser. Please stay."

Dean kissed his upper lip, then lower, then along his jaw. "Won't ...your...mother mind?" he whispered between kisses.

Castiel breathed in, leaning slowly back onto his bed "All I care about right now is this." he confessed honestly.

"Yeah." He rasped, "Can I?" his fingers sliding under the young man's shirt. Castiel nodded, back arching. Bottom lip caught between his teeth. He gulped, "I don't usually do this."

"I've never done this." 

"I have...but only with women." Dean peeled off the shirt, moving to pull off his own now. 

"Dean, I'm scared...is this going to hurt me?" 

Dean didn't have the heart to tell him that _yes_ it would. Maybe not physically but in other ways. He had broken too many hearts before. Castiel was aware his question went unanswered. He let Dean continue undressing him, touch him. Castiel tried not to cry when Dean entered him for the first time, and he tried not to fall for him when Dean kissed him tenderly after they had sex. It was more like love, Dean took his time. Kissing every inch of skin he could, touching, feeling, looking at every reaction. Listening to every breath, every hushed moan. 

They shared a passionate evening together, it was a shame when Dean did the same thing he had always done. As soon as Castiel drifted to sleep he was up and pulling on his boots to get out of there. How could he ever have a relationship when he always bailed after the fun was over. He wanted to stay. What would Castiel think of him...of his life if they got to know each other? Dean was just a mechanic, basically a drunk. What would Castiel think of him if he knew Dean had no one else in his life besides his brother. Or that he spent most of his time watching porn mindlessly. He had no interest in many of the usual things people liked. Dean was empty. Dean was morbid and sad.

Yes Castiel would be better off. Right?

Dean bent down to kiss him on the forehead, his wrist grabbed by a sleeping Castiel. He thought he heard him say _Stay._

He wanted love...He wanted to connect with someone. _"Okay, Jimmy."_

He opened one eye and looking up to him, "It's Cas to you." and smiled. "Call me Jimmy and you won't get to kiss me again."

Dean smiled, getting back into bed with him. "Yes sir." Something was about to awaken in him. Who knew what it was but he hoped it was love, and that it would be returned.


End file.
